I just read a survey that stated that 77% of college graduates moved back in with their parents last year. This is up from 67% in 2005, and I would guess that the trend has been consistently moving upward for the past 10-15 years (although I have no statistical proof to that effect).
When I was growing up, my father repeatedly made it clear to me that moving back home after college was not an option, except if I needed a (very) temporary place to stay while I searched for a job. I also knew that if I dropped out of high school or failed out of college that my only home would be the cruel, cold world outside.
Some may find it hard to believe, but Dad was not intentionally being unkind. Quite the contrary: He knew that adulthood eventually requires independence from one's parents. He recognized that safety nets often become permanent nesting places, and so the best option for a young bird is often to toss them out of the nest.
As a result, by the time I graduated from college, I had zero desire to return home permanently. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and enjoy visiting, but the thought of returning permanently to my old room with the homecoming mums, legos in a box, and back issues of Highlights sounds creepy and sad. Maturity requires leaving behind childhood and moving on. We may remember childhood with fondness, but we are not meant to dwell there forever.
I am teaching this semester on the subject of mature discipleship. What does it mean to follow Christ with discipline, maturity, and focus in a world that consistently encourages prolonged adolescence and irresponsibility? Paul writes that ultimately, when we see God face to face, we will finally put aside our "childish" understanding of Jesus, and think about Him like adults (1 Cor 13:11). In the meanwhile, we labor to grow toward adulthood, for the sake of His glory.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Generation Me
One interesting book that I read while on sabbatical was called Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled -- and More Miserable Than Ever Before by Jean M. Twenge.
Despite the cumbersome title, this turned out to be an excellent book about the character traits of those born between 1970 and 2000. Thirty years is a long stretch to be considered one generation, but I think her general conclusions, which I'll describe in a moment, are accurate. Needless to say, the traits themselves are more pronounced in those born later in the designated time span, at least in my opinion.
Twenge's basic premise is that young men and women have been conditioned from day one to believe that they are extremely special, important, unique and gifted whether or not there is any factual basis for that conditioning. In her words, "in the years after 1980, there was a pervasive, society-wide effort to increas children's self-esteem...Generation Me is the first generation raised to believe that everyone should have high self-esteem."
The problems arise when my over-inflated sense of self collides with the real world AND with everybody else's over-inflated sense of self. When I realize that I probably cannot be a professional football player, a famous rock star, or the President of the United States, I have a tendency to be disappointed and even depressed. When I begin my new job with a sense that I deserve to be the most special person there, I am angry and frustrated when I am not promoted to VP within three years. After a while, I become cynical and unwilling to try anymore.
This sense of individualism and personal entitlement bleeds over into moral choices as well. Why should I listen to parents and religious leaders who tell me that sexuality is reserved for marriage? It is MY body, MY decision! If my personal fulfillment is the primary objective, then cheating on a test is simply another way to accomplish my end.
Family choices are affected as well. Children are an inconvenience, stealing away my opportunity to be famous and rich. So families are postponed well into one's mid-30s if they are pursued at all. When children arrive, the primary goal is to arrange for their care in a way that provides the least discomfort to my present lifestyle of financial freedom and leisure.
Of course, the real question for those of us in college and youth ministry is how to counteract the cultural forces that are producing these attitudes. If our goal is to encourage Christ-likeness in our students, how can that be accomplished in the short time we spend with them? The Biblical viewpoint on self is of course that human beings are valuable because we are made in God's image, He loves us, and Jesus died for us. Our life takes significance ultimately when we sacrifice self and pursue the glory of God above our own.
So how do we encourage that mindset in today's students? Here is where Twenge's book is somewhat weak. She is not writing from a Christian perspective, and as a result her solutions often have a hollow ring to them.
In a future post, I hope to provide some suggestions, but in the meanwhile I'll throw it open to my readers (who probably constitute about 3 people, but it could still be worthwhile). How do we influence families and students to think more biblically about the concept of self?
Despite the cumbersome title, this turned out to be an excellent book about the character traits of those born between 1970 and 2000. Thirty years is a long stretch to be considered one generation, but I think her general conclusions, which I'll describe in a moment, are accurate. Needless to say, the traits themselves are more pronounced in those born later in the designated time span, at least in my opinion.
Twenge's basic premise is that young men and women have been conditioned from day one to believe that they are extremely special, important, unique and gifted whether or not there is any factual basis for that conditioning. In her words, "in the years after 1980, there was a pervasive, society-wide effort to increas children's self-esteem...Generation Me is the first generation raised to believe that everyone should have high self-esteem."
The problems arise when my over-inflated sense of self collides with the real world AND with everybody else's over-inflated sense of self. When I realize that I probably cannot be a professional football player, a famous rock star, or the President of the United States, I have a tendency to be disappointed and even depressed. When I begin my new job with a sense that I deserve to be the most special person there, I am angry and frustrated when I am not promoted to VP within three years. After a while, I become cynical and unwilling to try anymore.
This sense of individualism and personal entitlement bleeds over into moral choices as well. Why should I listen to parents and religious leaders who tell me that sexuality is reserved for marriage? It is MY body, MY decision! If my personal fulfillment is the primary objective, then cheating on a test is simply another way to accomplish my end.
Family choices are affected as well. Children are an inconvenience, stealing away my opportunity to be famous and rich. So families are postponed well into one's mid-30s if they are pursued at all. When children arrive, the primary goal is to arrange for their care in a way that provides the least discomfort to my present lifestyle of financial freedom and leisure.
Of course, the real question for those of us in college and youth ministry is how to counteract the cultural forces that are producing these attitudes. If our goal is to encourage Christ-likeness in our students, how can that be accomplished in the short time we spend with them? The Biblical viewpoint on self is of course that human beings are valuable because we are made in God's image, He loves us, and Jesus died for us. Our life takes significance ultimately when we sacrifice self and pursue the glory of God above our own.
So how do we encourage that mindset in today's students? Here is where Twenge's book is somewhat weak. She is not writing from a Christian perspective, and as a result her solutions often have a hollow ring to them.
In a future post, I hope to provide some suggestions, but in the meanwhile I'll throw it open to my readers (who probably constitute about 3 people, but it could still be worthwhile). How do we influence families and students to think more biblically about the concept of self?
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